What happens when God is silent? What do you do? As I sat in my room overwhelmed by anxiety and despair, I wondered why God’s presence seemed to have departed from me. I wondered why He felt so far away and so silent. I’d never experienced anxiety and despair like I had been experiencing during this instance, and on this particular day it seemed to have reached its peak. I asked God why He was dealing with me in this way, why He would send me to a foreign land only to seemingly leave me alone. Why would He allow me to get so beat up mentally and spiritually and then leave me alone to face it without Him?
He told me to look at Abraham’s life. I realized that Abraham had an amazing characteristic of believing God regardless of his circumstances. When God asked Abraham to leave his homeland Abraham listened and believed God would guide him. When God told him he was going to have a child even though he was 99 years old Abraham believed Him. Even when God asked Abraham to do something that was completely contrary to the nature and character of God, Abraham obeyed. But he didn’t just obey, he obeyed with a confidence that God could not deny Himself. He obeyed with a faithful assurance that God could not do something that was contradictory to His character. Even though God had asked him to offer Isaac, Abraham was certain that Isaac would return from the sacrifice with him. Genesis 22:5, “Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey, and I and the lad will go over there; and we will worship and return to you.”” I think Abraham knew Isaac would return with him, even if that meant God would have to raise him from the dead. Abraham was so confident in God he never questioned Him even when his circumstances seemed to contradict God's very nature.
I’d like to be able to say I have the same kind of confidence and faith, but I don’t. I still panic and doubt and asked God why. I still question Him and get frustrated when I don’t hear an answer. But by grace upon grace I trust that I’m moving forward at least, and not backward. And as time continues to be the great revelator I become more and more convinced that God won’t let me down, even when I doubt.